But that was foolish. The whole fact that it should have never been spun around in his mind, but it was. He felt the empty longings that couldn’t come true. The beautiful wish that should have never been thought. Now he had everything confused. It was my wish, always mine, and couldn’t be, shouldn’t be his. It should have never existed, this awful wish that only makes empty heart become emptier. i long for something so beautiful that breaks into pieces at my gentle touch yearning, for something new but constantly staying old i become lost within the color of your eyes that can never be forgotten spun around whipping gold that is just too close to even touch ----------------------------------------------------------- Kiss From a Dream By Eternal Angel stargazing12@h... Chapter 4 – The Art of Jaded Love ----------------------------------------------------------- The aching pulsing of the silence filled her ears as she gazed at him, her eyes widening in surprise. She paled as she looked at him with wide eyes and a heart that didn’t know how to react. Should it shatter? It felt as if it was right this moment, or was that just her life? Breaking, breaking… into so many tiny pieces … His long lost crystals. The crystals that he had searched for, longed for, ached for… The crystals that he needed to find but couldn’t, causing him to lose faith in his princess, to lose faith in love… She stared at him, wishing, waiting… Waiting for what? Waiting for him to react with sort of emotion. To scream, to say ‘it doesn’t matter’, to just… react. But instead he continued to dawdle in this embittered confusion of his heart. ‘These are your past, these will be your destiny.’ She recalled the words of her neighbor; the surprising words that were her proclamation of doom … Doom already? Had she prejudged his reaction yet? But there was no reaction yet and her imagination took rein. Why was it that she was doomed to fall in love with someone, only to find that they couldn’t fall in love with her? The possibility of her falling in love with him before, was so great, but now it dwindled away into nothing but an empty longing that was never to be fulfilled. “I…” she softly said, wondering what was to happen now… what now could she do? Still no reaction. No screaming. No curses. No words telling her that it didn’t matter… that as long as he had her… Instead he just stared. Stared silently… Silently… How come the silence that surrounded them was so loud? She shuddered at its impact against her. She could feel everything inside of her come undone. He then took a deep breath, finally sorting out all that raged inside of her, “Remember to re-type the finishing Peterson deal and place it on my table for me to sign.” With that, he put on his clothing and walked out her apartment, leaving her alone on her bed crying. He brushed his hair away from his face as he sat on his desk, drinking his whisky. He could hear the ring of the elevator and he knew for sure she had arrived. He took another sip, wondering why he didn’t take the crystals. He knew he wanted the princess … but he couldn’t help but want Serena at the same time. He took long gulp. ‘Let me help you forget…’ Her words were still roaring deep within him. He’d have forgotten too! He’d have forgotten and moved on if only… if only… The two crystals brightly shone with an illuminated beauty that was captivating in his mind. ‘Let me…’ The shuffling of feet walking around as his body ached at the thought of her just in the other room, so close to him, but so beyond his reach. Last night was a beautiful night where she gave and gave and gave to him as he took as much as he could, forgetting the existence of his princess. ‘Let…’ He filled his glass again with more of the whisky, wondering how destiny could do such a thing to him. Twisting his insides and condemning him to an empty void of illogic. He closed his eyes and he could see the beautiful golden angel smiling at him, telling him things would be all right. How he wished her words were true. She looked at the door between paragraphs, waiting for him to come out and tell her that he wanted the crystals, or that he didn’t care for them … all he cared about was her… But she laughed at the latter – just fanciful thoughts that wouldn’t come true. She resumed her typing; the clicking of the keyboard made her nerves become agitated and disdainful. She sighed and checked over her typing, her mind coming to the decision that she should quit this job and find another, to do something other than stay here and continue to lament in this throttling river of pain. The languishing painful emotions seemed to linger in her as she took the newly printed papers from the printer and walked towards the door, her legs dragging as she loathed herself for being so weak. She took a deep breath and made an entrance to meet her ‘passing ship of the night’. “I have your contract here… look over it just to make sure I didn’t do anything wrong.” She walked towards him, her legs wobbling. She tried to be strong as she looked at him, wondering what he was thinking. She placed the contract on the table as he picked it up gingerly and read it, his eyes scanning it and never looking at her. ‘He hates me.’ “It’s good,” he said, devoid of any emotions as he took out his pen and signed it. “I want you to get my CEO to deliver this to Peterson to sign it.” “Okay.” ‘He hates me…’ With that she left, her heart bleeding with her tears. He dreamt of her that night. Not of his golden angel but of the princess he had lost faith in - the princess who called out for him every night, telling him about her love... The love he didn't really know existed. He sighed as he sat at the darkness of the night, alone. Always alone. "I love you... I always have... I always will..." Bitter words of his self-destruction. Maybe she did truly love him, she truly cared... but he didn't know what love was, just a simple bleeding cut that was so deeply entwined in his heart... "Let me help you forget..." He stared at the serene image that stared back at him. It seemed to reach out to him, a symbol of his golden angel smiling back at him. He could hear her never spoken words - maybe his own words, telling him "let me teach you how to love..." He let out a heavy sigh. 'You're going to have to give up one of them...' he told himself, as he closed his eyes tightly. But what if he didn't want to give up either of them? She gave him her two weeks’ notice the next day, as he looked it over with a frown, "What is this all about?" His voice was sharp, edgy, as his eyes bore into her own. She was puzzled by her emotions - especially at the fact he chose to react. He hadn't been reacting to anything and so why would he be acting to something as insignificant as her employment. "This job doesn't suit me - I want to move on to something else." He glared at her, standing up from his chair and to his fringe (fridge?). He took out a bottle of brandy and poured himself a glass. "Are you going back to Thurston?" "NO!" "Good, because that would just be stupid. He already has a wife!" He took another long drink and then placed his brandy on the counter. He sighed; by the end of this ordeal, he wouldn't be surprised if he turned into an alcoholic - but thinking straight while dealing with Serena only made everything more confused. "I know that! Damn you!” His eyes glazed over her with a burning look of thoughtfulness as he walked towards her, “Maybe… Maybe I am already.” Those words confused her, as he wrapped his arms around her. He begun to kiss her softly against her neck, his hot lips brushing against her nape, sending shivers down her spine as he gently whispered to her. “It’s useless to damn a man already burning in hell…” She shuddered in sheer pleasure. “Golden angel,” his voice became seductively hot. She could feel the warmth of the heat swirl around them into a burning mass of passion. She took a deep ragged breath as she tried to control her emotions that only burnt away into the aching for him. Why was it that she was so weak? Why was it that she couldn’t resist him? Love – love made a person a weak character; love made a person this way, forever lost within the haze of mystery, ending with an endless aching of pain – and for those who were lucky, happiness… But she wasn’t lucky. She was far from it. “Are you that much of a coward to go off and run away? You never striked me as a person that would run away from anything… then why your passion?” “I’m not running,” she replied simply, as he smiled. He spun her chair around to face him. “Good.” The blazing of their eyes paled to the temperature of their insides as they became lost within the scorching heat of fervor. “Golden angel...” The name again, a clear sign of driven affection. “Show me a piece of heaven…” His lips crushed her own and she melted against him, her body molding into his own. He then picked her and placed her onto the couch, never ceasing his ardent kisses as she lost herself fully in the blistering aching that burst through her… and deeply into him. He got up from the couch, only to find that his golden angel was fast asleep, a smile resting on her face. Everything inside of him turned at the sight of her, a beautiful figure of such vulnerability… He picked up his clothing, slowly putting it on as he took the bottle of brandy out of the fringe once again. ‘You can’t hold on to both of them,’ a voice inside of him told him. He tried to shake away that voice, as his eyes gazed back at the sleeping figure. ‘You can never do her good… whenever she is with you, she’s in pain… Can’t you feel it? Her eyes, broken, jaded… all because of you…’ He tightly clutched the glass as he shook his head in denial but everything inside of him agreed with that voice. He was no good for her, he was… He took another long drink. ‘Don’t think,’ he told himself, ‘don’t think…’ For some reason, that seemed harder than it sounded… She woke up a mess and she felt her body ache from her position on the couch. ‘How long have I been asleep?’ She probably fell dead asleep since she hadn’t been sleeping for the past couple of days. Sleep had been scarce for her lately, since her mind spun with little things that she didn’t want to think about, little things that she shouldn’t be thinking about… She sighed. She gingerly picked up her clothing, which were crumpled on the ground. As she put it on, and went to him, the lone figure that was looking out at the beautiful view of the buzzing city streets and tall skyscrapers in front of him. As she was doing that, he stood up, his back still facing her and then turned around, his eyes barren of emotions. “Serena,” his voice was flat, as she shuddered at how lacking in emotion it was. Just an hour ago they were in each others arms in a dwelling embrace of passion and now… “Your notice will be accepted if only you agree to one thing…” “Give me the crystals.” She stared at him, lost for words. Join Dying Scarlet! The Freeform Romance FanFiction ML! http://groups.yahoo.com/group/dyingscarlet/