Couldn't he see that destiny didn't extend its arms for them? That it just couldn't be? I tried and tried to make him see this fact, to see that this longing of the heart could not be fulfilled – no matter how much they longed. It just couldn't be. Break me into pieces I don't really mind As I dream of life I dream of love I dream of an existence That doesn't really exist ----------------------------------------------------------- Kiss From a Dream By Eternal Angel stargazing12@hotmail.com Chapter 5 – Silence So Loud ----------------------------------------------------------- Pressed for time, constantly wishing for the impossible possibilities like the exposure of a dream that even love wouldn't touch. Buried deep within the chaotic aching of the heart, lies a riveting pulsing of an endless decoration of colors all lost within his eyes. She took a deep breath, knowing that the only thing she was truly seeing was a reflection of herself within his eyes. A reflection of a person that was weak enough to continuously love a man she sought to hate, that she sought to constantly forget. Her eyes looked away from him, trying to captivate herself by the rest of her surroundings. Hoping that he might just disappear, that he might just go away and stay away. He didn't do anything she hoped he would do. Instead he stayed put, eyes still lying on her figure as she moved around and about. She couldn't help but wonder what he saw when he looked in her eyes. Did he see himself? Or did he see the empty aching of a person who loved another with so much adoration but with so much pain? A love that could only result in a bittersweet ending because she could never live up to what he wanted. He wanted a princess, a fairy tale one that came to him within his dreams. All he got was her, far from a princess from the beautiful kingdom of dreams. His words pulsed deeply in her mind, words that demanded his future, a future without her. She took a deep breath, feeling the passion that was just spent was nothing more then a simple softening of the heart to get her agree to his demands, his words. She looked back up at him, her eyes filled with contempt and anger. "Bastard." He shrugged. She could feel everything inside of her ache, his eyes staring at her blandly. She knew that he really didn't care what she thought of him. It didn't matter to him. Nothing mattered to him except for his princess – the princess that she could never be. The princess she would love to be. "If you think you're going to get those crystals from me…" she seethed in anger, as he stared at her, a bored look on his face. "I don't think," he told her firmly, "I know." 'And I know too…' 'Witchcraft…' She sighed, brushing her hair away from her face as she scolded herself. How could she let him manipulate her the way he had? How could she give into him so easily, so quickly? To lure her into bed only to get what he wanted? She stared at the murky depths of the sky, wondering why such beauty made her feel as if she was going to be swallowed up and consumed within the hidden darkness that was slowly entering the sky. A shudder of the breeze brushed against her as she struggled to control her raging emotions stowed deep within her. 'Weak.' 'So weak.' Tightly she closed her eyes, wondering how she could stop these emotions from taking a hold of her and lull her into a pathetic state of insanity. She had to push all those frizzing emotions away and start standing up for herself! She had always been able to do so before … but now… why was it so hard to go against him? What was this power that he held over her? 'Witchcraft…' she thought with a bitter contempt as she walked into her apartment, closing the balcony door, her heart pulsing with an intense passion. 'Burn him at the stake…' But why was it that the only thing burning was her heart? She didn't show up to work the next day, to his utter despair. He sat there, in his chair, waiting for signs of life to walk about outside of his office only hear the hallow emptiness of nothing respond to him. Where was she? He contemplated the whole situation to and fro and even called her apartment only to hear the reply of the answering machine pick up. He frowned. She was supposed to be working! Frustration seemed to come to him like a heavy cloak as he paced around his room, wondering, waiting, and raging. Where in the world could that girl be? She was supposed to be working, she was supposed to be HERE! WITH HIM!!!! He took deep breaths and grabbed his brandy, drinking it senseless. Yes, the great Darien Callahan was developing a serious drinking problem and it was all because of some golden angel that should be at work right now! If she wasn't at work, where else could she be? She had admitted herself that her job was her life! She couldn't have just developed another life so soon! Not if he could help it! He sighed, slumping into his chair with great defeat, wondering what would happen to him if she were truly gone… Someone best shoot him before that day arrives. She stayed home all of the next day, lying in her bed as she wondered what she should do. She couldn't hide forever nor could she continue to cower at his harsh words and complete all that he had demanded of her. She wasn't weak. She can't be. Years of a loveless childhood and broken dreams had already explained that to her. If she wanted her dreams to come true, she couldn't stay and be his fool. She wasn't going to have another dream of hers fly away because someone made her let go of it. No, this dream was too important to her. It was something she had dreamed of so long ago, something that kept her going on for so long. A dream of being loved, being cherished forever … Some people constantly had that and never needed to dream of such a thing, but she was different. She didn't have the love everyone grew up with, only the thought of a love that will come… A love that would be as strong as hers, as deep as hers… A love that Darien Callahan could only give his princess… She buried herself deeper inside her blankets, finding herself somber at the thought. …and never her… She drowned herself within her depression. Why couldn't he love her? She strolled in the next day with a smile plastered on her face and busied herself with the work that was scattered on her desk. She heard the slamming of the door as a dark shadow overlapped her. She looked up with a large smile and asked him in a chipper and cheerful voice, "Yes Mr. Callahan? What might you want?" Unlike Serena, Darien was unable to duplicate that same happy voice that she had used on him. He was far from being able to do so. Instead his voice was angered and taut as he asked, or more like demanded, to know where she was yesterday. She shrugged. "Where were you?" His words were dangerously spaced out as she sighed loudly, and shifted the papers in front of her. "No where in particular…anyways, I have work to do – I have already been looking for my replacement for you. Now go off and do something corporately, while I call these phone numbers." "Damn it Serena, don't get all sassy on me!" He said, as he pulled her up from her chair to face him. "Where were you yesterday? Were you with another man?" Jealousy was etched in his face as she seemingly reeled back at the sight. Him? Jealous? He couldn't be … "What would it matter to you? You're not my keeper. Whoever I chose to spend my time with doesn't matter to you." "It does matter," he seethed, as his arms tightened around her. "You're mine damn it, learn that!" And with that, his demanding lips pressed against hers with a built up whirlwind of possessive fervor – she pushed away from him. "Mr. Callahan! I'd like you to stop this nonsense! I'm your PA!! Touch me again and I'll call sexual harassment on you!" But deep inside of her, all the voices told him to continue this insolent torture, to continue to brush these emotions that were so deep within her until they were senseless with pleasure. But she didn't. He stared at her in shock, "You're different." "If you mean I'm less naïve, yes I am. I learned my lesson about men like you. If you expect me to go back willingly to your arms after you throw insane ultimatums my way then you got to be kidding!" With that she took a deep breath, "I'd like to go back to work now, please excuse me." She then turned away from him and sat back down onto her chair, dismissing him as he stood there, staring at her until he knew she wouldn't change my mind. With that, he turned around and headed back into his office. She buried her head into her hands soon after, the emotions within her pulling her apart. The further she pushed him away, the further he moved away. There were no more little games that they were able to play anymore. The only thing left was just an intense aching that would brush against them, telling them that everything was wrong. Still, who were they to judge what was right? 'In the end you would have had to give her up… there is no reason to act the way you act,' he told himself calmly, but found that to be very true. He still would have needed to give her up … but why the hesitation? The cruel slamming of his heart at the fact that his golden angel now fully despised him? Because the fact that he didn't think she'd actually let him go was what frustrated him. He didn't expect her to let him go so easily … maybe it was male ego, or maybe it was because he couldn't help but think that she felt something intense at their joining of true passion … But still… She wrote down his dictation, looking at him in the corner of her eyes. 'Another five more days and I'd be free … free from the hands of a man that can never know any love other than the one he has for his princess… Free from the hands of a man that held so many strings that tightly bound her to him – free from a man who wouldn't know true love if it hit him over the head. Could he see that this princess of his could never love him the way she did? Couldn't he see that no one could ever love him the way she did. With all her heart, her soul, with her complete being! These emotions deep within her for him even defied all laws she had set up for herself, it defied all logic and sanity. The only thing that still made her reel within the shock of this love was that it wasn't her once being in love with him, but the fact that she still was… Left in a love that pushed her into a frantic aching of her heart so that all she could do is feel the calluses of pain push against her, until she could feel her insides explode into ashes, leaving only a mystified memory of a beautiful nothing. She looked back at the scribbles of her handwriting blurred by her misty vision. Why was this bedazzlement of love always calling for a constant self-destruction? She changed because of him – or maybe in spite of him. He stared at her, pausing between each word as she wrote it down on the yellow legal pad. He closed his eyes, trying to remember how his golden angel was once like, a smile, a laugh, and a breezy dream that opened him up to so many possibilities. She wasn't his angel anymore. Instead she built a wall, so like his own to protect herself from heartache, the constantly longing of nothing and… him … She was protecting herself from him. He closed his eyes tightly at the thought, his words stammering against each other. The struggle for control was a trial of endurance as he took a deep breath and continued his dictation. Why was it that he was not only destroying himself but herself as well? She stayed late in the office that day, finishing up papers as she busied about the office. She looked up at the figure that just opened the door, staring in at her. "You're here late," he said simply, as she nodded. "I'm leaving in five days. I have to be bustling about to get things done before the new PA comes. I don't want him or her to worry about getting used to working with you and have all these fifty million projects still hanging on their shoulders." "How considerate," he said slowly, as he leaned against the door frame. "But I'd only expect such a thing from you." "What do you mean by that?" She asked him, as he looked at her with his deep-water depths of his eyes, through the beautiful slits of his brazen skin. "You're different… always wanting what is best for others, never caring what is best for you… That's why you gave up a possibly beautiful future in hopes that your brother will have it instead. That's why you're doing all this work…" He smiled at her, "I marvel at your absoluteness and kindness. I find it amazing that in such a world of morbid darkness and corruption that someone with such naiveté still exists within it." How can he change his moods, his mode, so quickly, so efficiently? How could he act so hateful to her an hour ago, and now act so kindly to her? She let out a laugh. Not one that was amused and flattered by such a speech, but one that was resentful, dripping with a contempt that goaded him into a succession of bitterness, "Naïveté is only for fools, and I long ago have found out that fools do not exist in such a harsh world that we live in. Callahan, stop playing your mind games, they're nothing but pieces of boredom waiting to be swallowed up." He looked at her, his eyes glazed with a far-off look. "Maybe… you're right…" With that he turned and walked out of the door. She found it ironic that her naïveté yearned for him to come back and take her in his arms. But they were nothing but a simple playful game of 'I have nothing better to do' … It shouldn't have had anything to do with her. Not now, not ever. The caress of a forgotten wind brushing against the icy rain made her want to laugh insanely as she wondered why the numbness of the cold couldn't stop the aching so deep within her, till all she could do was cry. But even her tears were frozen, bitter-sweetness that could do nothing to help her mourn. Mourn for her heartache, her pains, the loss, and for her broken soul that now laid scattered down the streets, flowing away from her by the river of tears the sky had shed for her. She was broken. Unfixable. Discolored… Broken. It always boiled down to that word. Broken, forever jaded in the eyes of everyone. Always incomplete, always to be forgotten. She tightened her grasp, feeling the crystals that caused this broken state bite back into her skin. She could already feel the haunting of the two beautiful crystals burning in her hands. She could feel a rushing flow of hatred for the unresponsive objects. "How can you stare at me so coolly? As if it isn't your fault that I am the way I am? Forever aching for what I can never have?" The wind stole away her words, her voice, as she wanted to scream in frustration. Why was it that the world was stealing her chances of anything? Of love, of healing, of anger? Bitterness filled herself, cooled by the pelting of the rains. The same ones that were already biting her dream away. She sobbed, the crystals tightly embraced within her palms. There was no true thing as love, there was no true thing as happiness. Just an empty void, an empty void… Tears falling… Brokenness… She opened the door to her office, the water dripping onto the marble floors as she walked to the elevator, pressing the numbers with ease as the soft music filled her ears. 'Time will heal all…' Attempting to comfort, but all was lost. She opened her grasped hand, feeling the aching of her knuckles as two crystals stayed in front of her, staring at her with a sparkling joy of freedom. She stared at them, contempt written in her eyes. "I hate you." They stared at her, wide eyed and innocent as she enclosed her fingers around them once again, unable to stare at them for so long. "Or maybe I just hate myself for being such a fool. "I'm still hoping that he will love me…" The soft ping of the elevator sounded and she waited as the doors opened. She entered the room. Her feet were dragging against the floor and she willed them to hurry as she reached his office door. She entered without knocking since she knew that he was there, sitting down drinking his brandy. His eyes were looking at the downpour of rain, but when she entered, he turned his chair to face her with a frown on his face. "You're all wet." "I know." Silence, heavy and deep, filled the room. He took another sip of his brandy. "Today is your last day?" "Yes." Silence. She closed her eyes, her breathing still as she willed him to say more, to say something but… Silence. Screaming silence. She took another step closer to him. "I loved you." Those words slipped out in her absolute horror. His continued to sip his brandy. She took another step closer, "But… I was a fool to think that you might have been able to love me … no… you've always loved your princess haven't you? Even when you spent the night with me, wanting to forget her … the truth was… never…" She let out a shaky laugh. "What happens if she doesn't appear once you get all seven of these crystals?" She held the two crystals in front of him. "What happens if she never appears? What will you do if you find out that she doesn't exist… and the one chance of love you did have was already gone…?" She closed her eyes. "If she loved you as much as I have, she'd never have made you wait this long … do so much. Love should be freely given, not restrained to the amount of crystals you have collected…" She opened her eyes again, a dazed look on her face. "I hope you have a happy life with your princess." She threw the crystals onto his desk as she turned her heel to walk away from him… He sat still, drinking his brandy and watching her walk away… Silence rang throughout the room after she was gone. I wanted him to be happy, but never was he, even if that meant letting him go. Letting him go, my worst fear. How was I to function without him near me? But how was he to function with me constantly clinging onto him? A ghost with no future – especially one with him.